My latest Fathering from the Hip column – Hey Parents! Your Kids Are Going to Be Fine – brought me this question from Julie:
How long before you allowed TV to be a part of the day?
Well, we started out with the “TV isn’t good for a baby” mentality, but that quickly changed.
There was this night in his second or third month that Mr. F refused to go back to sleep after nursing. My wife and I tried all the usual tricks for a while, but our patience was thin — we were in the middle of dinner and an episode of Battlestar Galatica. Fans of that series will understand: you don’t stop watching before the end. (Especially if we’re talking about the first three seasons.)
So we propped him in his swing chair and he watched it with us – seeming to pay special attention to the lovely Caprica 6, I might add – till he dozed off. After that, we had him in front of the TV every night!
No, I’m kidding. But that moment did mark the start of our anti-television stance eroding, in part because it gave us a reality check. The fussy kid calmed down and quickly fell asleep. It had us asking: Is exposing your child to television in small, controlled doses really such a big deal?
In part, such exposure is unavoidable – screens are everywhere.
The bagel shop down the street has a flat-screen mounted on the wall, as do our local supermarkets and even some cafes. Friends and family might have it on when we’re visiting, and in another person’s house I try to be a good guest, sublimating my personal preferences to those of my host. Or at least not making a big stink when the food isn’t organic, or I’m given paper napkins, or we prepare dinner with Cash Cab on in the background. That things are done different is part of the fun (and stress) of being away from home.
(I will put my foot down when my dad tries to watch Judge Judy with me, though. We all have limits.)
Besides these outside influences, the computer on our kitchen counter is nearly always on, acting as a reference for weather and recipes, and a juke box. Mr. F first became familiar with it as a way of connecting with family via skype or by looking at digital photos. The kid loves reviewing his short past.
As the cold weather rolled into town and then decided to stay for a brutally cold winter, we began showing him YouTube videos of Sesame Street skits. Then we found out when The Street airs on our local PBS, and from then on Elmo became a part of our daily life.
At the heart of any parent’s attitude toward television is both how you were raised and how you want to raise your kid. I grew up watching Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers while my mom did dishes in the kitchen or folded laundry nearby. Once my programs ended she switched off the tube, so television never dominated my day. Books, drawing, and fresh air held greater appeal. I’m not scared that Mr. F will become a screen zombie.
The amount of time you spend with your child also factors in. I’m sure parents who pay for full-time childcare can dictate “no television” and expect (or hope) that the provider abides. As a stay-at-home dad I’m my own boss — or should I say that Mr. F’s the boss. Sometimes I utilize the TV to keep him tethered while I prepare our lunch or complete some other chore. (Like pooping.) And when he’s in a bad mood or I’m tired, vegging out together helps us navigate the rocky waters.
Mr F is not yet two, and it’s rare for him to watch TV for longer than fifteen or twenty minutes before getting antsy. When he does sit for longer, its usually because I’m with him, talking about what we’re watching. I model viewing TV with a discerning eye and alert mind because I want him to be digitally literate, just as I demonstrate active reading or good hygiene.
So in moderation – which is an amount that will differ for every child based on age and temperament – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with television for a child even at a very young age. Of course, I’m no neurologist. Could be that I’m rotting his brain!
I'm a writer and stay-at-home dad. This infrequently updated blog presents info on my work, reflections on parenthood, and occasional pieces on literature, culture, and whatnot.
2 Comments
Great point on the screens, and the number of screens will only grow. Our little one already expects to be able to interact with the screen, too. But TV is a specific question because it’s a passive medium. Less so than it used to be because many of put on a specific clip or show rather than whatever happens to be playing on Nickelodeon or PBS. We don’t have any cable service, and the antennae can’t pick up PBS, so everything on our screens is on demand.
We started letting her watch TV when she was a little over 1.5. Feist’s fantastic music video from Sesame Street prompted us to purchase a couple of full episodes. At first my wife or I would sit and watch it with her and talk about what was going on. It didn’t take long for us to realize it was a good time to prepare a meal or do the dishes. As you said, moderation is key. And discipline. Too much TV is like substance abuse. I’ve seen kids throw the biggest fits in order to get more TV watching time. I think limiting the time and sticking to it helps kids understand how to self-moderate. I was happy when our little one was not yet two, but turned the TV off herself when I told her to. I was happier when halfway through an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba she said, “All done,” turned it off and started playing with blocks. Of course, she still throws fits from time to time. And there have been days when I let her watch too much because I just needed the time to work. Like your reference to your post on Patch, let’s not be to hard on ourselves.
All that said, scientists may say that toddlers don’t learn words from TV, but here’s a little story:
We were on a long drive (for us), and we let the little one play with the iPad for a little while. She was under two, but good with a few “edutainment” apps. After 20 minutes or so, we said that was enough and put some music on. A little crying, but she contained herself.
“Can I play iPad, please?” she asked.
“No, you already played with it enough. Do you want a book.”
“Persistent,” she said quietly to herself. My wife and I looked at each other, startled. “Can I play iPad, please?” she asked again.
“No, how about we sing along?”
“Persistent,” she repeated, and then she asked again. No joke. While my wife and I use the word in conversation, I have no doubt that she was helped by a Sesame Street clip in which David Beckham and Elmo talk about the word.
Loved the post as well! Have to say that my 3 1/2 month old loves to watch “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” and anytime I sing “Hot Dog” from the show she smiles like crazy! She also watches “American Idol” with intensity. My wife and I try to also read her picture books and put her in her baby gym, but as a Director/ Screenwriter, I have to say that I want to teach her daddy’s business early on! lol